Unfinished Rambling(s)

…but somehow I seem to know how to find it and stick myself with it anyway.

Take this morning, for example. As usual, I had a difficult time getting my generic Dollar Store special Zyrtec-equivalent open. So what do I do?

Get a steak knife (technically, not from the drawer, but from the knife holder thingamabob on the kitchen counter above the drawer) to cut through it as I usually do. Then as I do sometimes, not all the time, but every few days, I end up sticking the tip into the side of my index finger in which I’m holding the pill in the wrapper.

I then noticed another cut above where I just placed this new cut, and it looks like it was a good one, even though it’s starting to heal now.

Hmmm. I’m always cutting myself. “Where did this one come from?” I think to myself, because I honestly couldn’t remember. It all was a little fuzzy.

This afternoon, my wife calls on the way back from an appointment and I ask her.

“Oh, that one? That’s from when you cut it on the can last weekend.”

Hmmm. I vaguely remember it.

Oh, that’s right. I was drinking my own version of a Jager-Bomb — Jagermeister with Dale Jr.’s energy drink of choice, Amp — and…

you know, there’s a logical explanation coming, don’t you?

Now that I look back on it, I realize that:

1. As a Jeff Gordon fan, I shouldn’t have been getting involved with anything to do with Junior even if they are teammates.
2. I shouldn’t have been using Amp anyway with my Jager. I should have been using the original Red Bull anyway. Then I wouldn’t have get myself in all this trouble, I’m sure. I mean, with Red Bull, how can you go wrong?

In short, I tried to unblock the piece of frozen Amp so I could get to some liquid Amp and when I did, I cut my finger on the lip. It bled profusely, and I whined like the wuss I am to my wife, who is an EMT and promptly told me to quit my whingeing and bandaged me up pronto (”thanks, hon, I lurrrvvv you,” I think I said during, or something similarly silly).

All this reminded me of how when I was a young’n, a friend and I were playing catch with rocks. I think we were imagining we were playing baseball, but whatever, he ended up tossing me a curve ball that curved right into my forehead. It also bled profusely, and I didn’t whine that time.

No, I out and out cried, because I thought I was dying with all that blood coming into my eyes. Of course, it was only a surface scratch, but I’ve still got the scar to prove it.

Of course, it would be only the first of many yet to come from similarly stupid things I would do.

__________________________________________________________

If you think this is properly stupid, then properly vote for its stupidity at Humor-Blogs.com and check out some of the truly stupid people while you’re there.

Oh, and Mom, if you’re reading this, I’m not kicking back Jager Bombs 24-7, although some days, like today, I admit I might feel better if I did.

…blogger. That’s right. Sorry, for those of you looking how to be a supercalifragilisticexpialidcious lover, you’re at the wrong place. The Ominous Comma threw down the gauntlet to his favorite bloggers to write a funny post that included helpful technical tips or educational material to help new bloggers. He asked established humor bloggers already on Humor-Blogs.com. Since I am not an established humor blogger and responded only once to one of his posts with a comment, which for some reason wasn’t approved by him. I suppose I’m not erudite enough for him, even though I have a college diploma too (let’s not talk about GPAs, though, please), or maybe it’s that I never served in the military like he did, so maybe I’m not tough enough. Whatever…but I still like the guy enough to respond to this meme even though I wasn’t tagged by his almighty, droll self (and whom I shouldn’t even begin to pick on, because not only will he kick my ass, but he’ll kick my ass authoritatively). Since venturing forth into the blogosphere, lo, these last trio of years, and having had at least six blogs, five of which are still sailing the seas of the blogosphere here, here is a little of what I’ve learned thus far (and still am learning as you shall see) in my journey (in no particular order):

• For each article in an enhanced feed, show full feed. I learned this today from a friend, who sent me this message: “First: THANK YOU for updating your RSS feed so it displays your whole post instead of a snippet.” No one wants to read a half-assed post in a feed. They want the whole ass, baby, either in all its bootylicious glory or in all its butt-ugliness ugliness with the pimples and all. Once people see it, they won’t want to turn away, either because of its luminosity or its offensiveness like this crazy crack whore.

Another reason is you might see the first pagraph and shrug your shoulders, but then you realize like Jeff in Coupling, there is not only the word “breasts” but also pictures of breasts, though sometimes if you’re like Leigh Online you can get rid of ambiguity from the start with a great title like this: show us your t*ts!!, for which half-assed feed or not, you want to click on, especially if you’re a guy or hey, you could be a lesbian for all I know, who am I to judge? which in a roundabout, rambling way brings me to

• Titles: Have a title that will catch people’s eyes in a feed so even if you only give your readers a half-assed feed, they’ll still want to read it…

Like this one: Wanted: Your Witty Responses (which makes me think “Hey, I can be witty and I can respond, maybe he’s talking to me.”)

Or like this: Celebrities I Have Dreamed About (ooh, almost as good as Leigh’s in tantalizing the reader to click there, isn’t it?)

Or this one: Death by Strangulation (What would make a person want to strangle somebody? I’d like to know. Oh, that, Catherinette. I see. I don’t blame you.)

But this one, Playin’ Catch Up that begins with “It’s been 10 days since I posted…” I mean, yadda yadda, we’ve all been there, but you’re already breaking another thing I’ve learned post regularly (I mean, look at this blog as a shining, nay, luminous example of that).

I’m also a member of a another group here in the blogosphere, a book blogging group, where all some do is post the headline by the group The Sunday Salon. While it is required of posts, why not add something to it to catch readers’ eyes? We already know to whom you’re writing, but which book or books are you going to discuss, book beyotches (which is another tip if you’re a humor blogger, don’t use too much vulgarity unless you’re established like the beyotches already mentioned)? Why should I read on? Which is what you might be thinking at this point. So let me get to my third tip:

• Graphics. Include them, even if it’s totally random like this:

One, which not planned, has breasts. I only clicked like three times (honest, honey, and uh, sorry, Mom). Well, I had some other tips, but now I’ve lost my train of thought completely for some reason.
_________________________________________________

Before YOU completely lose your train of thought, click over HERE to vote for this post and then check out some of the great bloggers like those mentioned earlier in my post.  Don’t forget to vote.

Updated: 7/17/08: So far, I’ve gotten one vote on this post, but at least 15 folks who have looked at it. I mean, come on, folks, click, click, click. It’s not that hard.